in a handbasket

so i was walking to work today and got stuck behind two slow walking women. granted, i walk faster than the average person, which usually leads me to get annoyed pretty quickly. but today, i got pretty pissed, it just seemed like these women were walking ridiculously slow, and the thoughts running through my mind at the time is definitely not for virgin ears. so after a few minutes i finally get past them, and realize that the one on the left was pregnant. like 8-or-9-months-ready-to-burst-with-the-contractions-and-everything pregnant. and thats when i knew: im going straight to hell.

ive just poked my eyes out with a sharpie

while listening to a conversation right next to my cube:

lost person: do you know where ____ sits?
associate: sorry i dont even know who that is, is he in marketing? because they are usually on the other side of the building.
lp: yea, but he said that he actually sits on the south side of the building.
(kimmie's brain exploding)
(associate points to another part of the building)
lp: oh, thanks.

now, im not one to judge another about getting lost, i mean, i'm really bad at directions, especially when driving, but i do think there are certain thresholds of stupidity that lp crossed and should have been able to figure out, assuming she's been working here for over a month:
1. our building is past the WEST SIDE highway, so, if you're looking out the window and see buildings, chances are you are looking east.
2. while looking east, if you're still not sure which direction you're looking, that GIANT PIT in front of you is ground zero. we are west of ground zero.
3. ALL of the floors in this building are set up the same way, the 100s are west, 200s north, 300s east, 400s south. it may seem different, but thats just the building trying to be sneaky.

wow...